Skip to main content

On pregnancy and...FOMO


Not long after I first realised I was pregnant, I spoke to my littlest sister on the phone. It was June, it was hot, and Glastonbury was on the TV. I was doing what I always do when Glastonbury is happening and I’m not there: watching the telly with a morose look and the world’s worst case of FOMO. Maddy enquired after my health (it was still early on enough in the pregnancy for the situation to seem vaguely novel,  and my state of health interesting) and I told her that I was scared I would Never Have Fun Again.
The last time someone used that expression was my aunt, talking about how she felt when she gave up smoking. I think pregnancy is essentially the same. Suddenly the world is full of things you can’t do (drinking, smoking, going to Glastonbury) and things you don’t want to do (sex, rock ‘n’ roll, going to Glastonbury). Would I ever be the same again? Would I ever go to another party in my life? Would I ever return to Glastonbury?
It took Maddy about 10 seconds to point out that I hadn’t managed to actually bother getting my ass into gear and getting to Glastonbury since 2009. And for six of those years, I had not been pregnant; just lazy / preoccupied / broke / incapable of picturing a sunny summer field when the tickets go on sale and you’re in your slipper socks.
Other things I have thought I would do if I were not pregnant, but actually haven’t done since I was 25, include: staying up past 8am, going on holiday with a big group of friends, attending psy trance raves, running, recreational camping.
Lesson: stop blaming the baby.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

On motherhood and...Boarding life

One of these days, someone will say to me "Remember that time you decided it was a good idea to take a residential job in a boarding school with a toddler and C working (more than) full time and then you nearly had a nervous breakdown?" and I will be able to smile wryly. At the moment, the ongoing catastrophe that has been my work/life balance since January 2018 is still very much too close for comfort, or any wry smiling. Flash back to June 2017, and the logic is pretty damn logical. I am about to return to work, with just the school summer holidays between me and a four-day-a-week teaching job, located 40 minutes from Brighton. I am asked whether I would be interested in a promotion - and it's a promotion that comes with accommodation on site. I LEAP at the chance. No mortgage, no commute, the chance to save - and of course the actual desire to learn more, the ambition to be more senior within the school, and the chance to develop my pastoral skill set which I had ...

On motherhood and...The Conspiracy of Silence

I have had the great privilege recently of knowing not one but two families in the early stages of raising twins. Obviously I can’t speak for them – I can’t even imagine the complexity of such a mammoth task – but one thing I do know, because they have told me, is that it is hard. One friend, when I saw her last week, told me she was deliriously happy but also felt she had no understanding of quite how tough it was going to be. Partly because nobody  really  told her what to expect. I was chatting to the parents of some friends about this (who have also raised twins) and we were thinking about the nature of advice, and how every new mother feels, somehow, like they didn’t really know what to expect and that they could have been better forewarned / forearmed. This is such a predominant theme among new parents, and I have heard variations on it (and said it myself) a zillion times. Why wasn’t I warned? How could I feel so unprepared? Why did I go in blind? Why wasn’t this ...

On motherhood and...Pressing the button

There is a button, introduced to me by my friend Simon, which I use more and more the deeper I get into maternity leave. It is not a real button, it’s a metaphorical one, but I still imagine it as big and red, and making a satisfying ‘thunk’ when activated. This is the charmingly-named ‘fuck it’ button, and you use it to keep yourself sane. For example… Scenario 1: The door bell rings. You pick the baby up. The baby suddenly does a poo of such velocity that it miraculously leaps from her nappy and down her leg, from whence it travels all down your boob and also your leg and, somehow, a bit of your hair. When to activate the button: You’re still going to have to answer the door, so you press the button and use the baby as a human shield to cover up both her and your own pooey state. This exacerbates the clean up operation no end, but at least you look clean when you open the door to the Yodel guy. Scenario 2: You and the baby go swimming, you are delighted with how much she lov...